


Until Death Do Us Part

by writteninstone



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Magnus Bane, dont hate me pls, im so sorry, im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 11:09:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11873103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writteninstone/pseuds/writteninstone
Summary: How does Magnus function after the love of his life passes away? He doesn't really.





	Until Death Do Us Part

**Author's Note:**

> im really sorry i have no idea where this came from but i just ran with it i am so sorry i sobbed while writing this

 

Alec’s passing was sudden and unexpected. He had gone out on what was supposed to be a routine mission. He was out of practice. Being Head of the Institute had kept him out of the field on most missions. Alec had insisted to go on this one. He had assured Magnus it would be an easy kill and he would be home for dinner in no time. After placing a chaste kiss to Magnus’s lips, he turned and left the loft, calling Izzy as he went. That was the last Magnus had seen of him.

It was Isabelle who had delivered the news to him later that night. She had come to the door, tears leaving streaks in her make up as they fell.

“Isabelle, what is it? What’s wrong?” Magnus had asked, his heart sinking down to his toes like an anchor holding him in place.

“It’s Alec,” she whispered.

“What happened?” he fretted. “Where is he?”

“It was supposed to be a routine mission,” she blurted out, tears threatening to take over her voice. “He’s killed hundreds of shax demons before, but, he didn’t- I didn’t-” she paused to take a breath. “There were more than we thought and-”

“Where is he, Isabelle?” Magnus cut her off.

“We weren’t prepared for that many, Magnus,” she kept babbling on. “Jace was holding off a few of them and Clary and I were fighting off about ten of them. Alec was surrounded and we couldn’t get to him in time. Magnus, they got him.”

“No, no,” Magnus fell to his knees, sobs breaking out violently from his chest. Isabelle sank down beside him, wrapping her arms around him. They had just sat there and let the tears fall until they were both sufficiently numb.

That was the last time Magnus had seen Isabelle. He tried to put as much distance between him and the remaining Lightwoods as he could. It was too painful. Isabelle held so much of her brother in her that Magnus couldn’t bear to look at her just yet. She had the same thick, dark hair as him. She had his fight, his tenacity, his blatant honesty. It was too much. Then there was Max, who had his humor and his spunk and even his lopsided smile. Maryse, who had his posture and his loyalty. Robert, who had his facial expressions and his laugh. It was too much for him to handle. He had pretty much holed himself up in his loft, only leaving to see clients or to share a drink with Catarina or Dot.

 

* * *

 

In the weeks after Alec had passed, Magnus had been unable to sleep. The bed was far too cold without Alec’s warm body pressed up against his. The room was too quiet without Alec’s gentle snores. Magnus had tossed and turned for hours before giving up and making his way to Catarina’s for comfort. 

His morning routine was much different as well. There were no long, steamy showers with his Alexander. No breakfast on the balcony. No soft kisses before they each went their separate ways only to reconnect again at the end of the day. He missed Alec’s morning scruff and how he would have to shave nearly every morning to keep his face free of hair. A few times, Alec had allowed Magnus to shave for him. Magnus often played with the shaving cream, placing a dot or two along Alec’s nose every time he made a joke about Magnus not using his magic. Truth be told, Magnus loved to watch the blade glide across his Shadowhunter’s face, leaving a trail of smooth, but slightly razor burned skin in its wake. He loved to wipe the remaining shaving cream off of Alec’s face. He loved to watch as Alec would close his eyes and tip his head back as Magnus maneuvered the cold, damp rag along his cheeks and neck. He missed the gentle kiss Alec would place on his lips when he was done. Mostly, he missed the way that Alec had admired his work in the mirror, large hands tracing over the smooth skin. 

Magnus missed watching his Shadowhunter, Head of the New York Institute, walk out of the apartment, clad entirely in black leather. He loved the way Alec would look back at him before rounding the corner and heading out of the building. Most mornings, Magnus would stand on the balcony and watch as Alec had activated his speed rune and took of towards the Institute, bow and quiver proudly hung over his shoulders. Once he was out of sight, Magnus would begind his day.

However, Magnus’s absolute favorite part of their morning routine was when he would come out of the bathroom, after carefully applying his makeup and styling his hair, and find Alec in the kitchen. He could picture him now, standing behind a sizzling pot with a dish towel slung over his shoulder, a mug of coffee in his free hand. He was so nonchalant in his actions, so comfortable behind the hot stove. Magnus could watch him cook for hours and never get tired of it. Oddly, it had calmed Magnus to watch him. It reminded him that though they might be part demon and part angel, they both were part human as well. Magnus took great pleasure in watching Alec embrace his mundane side. 

* * *

 

One night, Dot had stopped by the apartment with a bottle of tequila. The two had talked and drank until the last drop of alcohol was gone. They were on the couch, facing each other, when Magnus suddenly remembered that last time he had sat on this couch with Alec.

_They had been debating about what movie to watch. Magnus had suggested Dirty Dancing for the umpteenth time and Alec had picked a playful fight about it with him._

_ “Are you serious? Again?” He joked, his voice getting slightly higher in pitch as he spoke. “We just watched that one like four days ago.”  _

_ “What can I say, Alexander? It’s called a classic for a reason!” Magnus had fought back.  _

_ Alec reached across the couch and plucked the DVD from Magnus’s hands. He chucked it over his shoulder, never taking his eyes off of Magnus. “I’m not watching that again. Pick something else,” he stated. Magnus rolled his eyes and stood up to retrieve the DVD. Alec grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into his lap. He shook his head as Magnus opened his mouth to say something. “Pick. Something. Else,” he enunciated.  _

_ “Okay fine,” he said. With a snap of his fingers a new DVD appeared in his hands. “How about this one?”  _

_ Alec took it from his hands and let out a laugh when he saw the cover. “This is the remake. It’s the same movie!”  _

_ “It is not. It has subtle differences!” Magnus fought back. Alec bent his head down to place a kiss on Magnus’s lips as he dropped the DVD behind the couch. As it hit the floor with a thud, Magnus joked, “I’ll take that as a no?”  _

_ Alec laughed against Magnus’s lips before softly whispering, “I have a better idea for tonight.”  _

_ He pressed his lips back against Magnus’s, slightly harder. His hands found their way into Magnus’s hair. If it was anyone but his Alexander that was touching his hair, Magnus would have slapped their hand away. But there was something so seductive about the way Alec carded his long fingers into Magnus’s hair, gently twisting the locks around them and pulling ever so slightly.  _

_ Within moments, they were lost in each other’s lips. Alec had moved so that Magnus was underneath him, his long legs caging him in on either side, bodies gently rocking against each other. Movie night was long forgotten as they got lost in the sensation of loving each other.  _

__

“Mag,” Dot asked, her voice gentle. Magnus snapped back to reality. Dot had moved closer to him, his hand held in both of hers. He looked up at her, barely meeting her eyes. He could feel the warm tears streaming down his face. She wiped at them with the pad of her thumb. “Want to talk about it?” 

“I don’t know what to do without him, Dorothea,” he said, barely above a whisper. It was true. His life had become so entangled with Alec’s that he wasn’t quite sure where he had ended and Alec began. Now that it was just him, he wasn’t sure how to go about his day to day activities. Each morning, Alec had woken Magnus with a trail of gentle kisses along his jawline. Now, Magnus awoke to the shrill of an alarm clock. Alec had cooked their breakfasts since the day he had moved in. Now, though Magnus barely had an appetite, he had to get used to conjuring up his own food. He had gotten so used to buying Alec a newspaper on his afternoon coffee run and leaving it on the desk by the door that he hadn’t even realized he had continued to do it until he placed one on the desk and it fell to the floor. Magnus had gotten used to Friday night dinners at The Hunter’s Moon with Alec’s family, but now spent his Fridays in Alec’s favorite black sweater, clutching at his pillow to feel less empty. 

“I know, but you will get through this. I promise,” Dot tried to comfort him, but to no avail. 

“He was the love of my life, Dot. I don’t think there’s any coming back from losing that,” he whispered as he placed his head in her lap. 

“Remember that night I came to comfort you and we drank and danced? And I tried to kiss you on the balcony?” she asked, running her hands up and down Magnus’s shoulder. He nodded in her lap. “I was so jealous that you had found him. I was so envious of what you two had. I could see that he was it for you right then and there.” 

More tears threatened to fall from Magnus’s eyes, so he closed them. There were so many things he had wanted to say to Dot, but he couldn’t find the words. So instead, he forced himself to drift to sleep. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept and he knew that with Dot here he had a better chance of finding it. 

The few times Magnus had been able to find sleep, Alec took over his dreams. The first time, they were in Magnus’s flat in Paris. They were drinking and laughing. Magnus’s face lit up as he watched Alec trying escargot for the first time. He nearly cackled at the way Alec’s face scrunched up as the taste took over his mouth and he desperately reached for his wine to wash it down. He looked at Magnus, who was crying laughing, and began to laugh as well. 

“That’s disgusting!” he exclaimed, only causing Magnus to burst into another fit of giggles. Alec pushed the plate away from him and reached for Magnus. He wiped away his laughter tears with his thumb and just stared at Magnus. He looked so in love, so happy. Sadly, Magnus was woken from this dream when he heard the screech of cars in the streets below him. 

The second time he dreamt about Alec, they were having dinner at Catarina’s house. Madzie was perched on Alec’s legs, showing him all the new things that she had learned. He was watching her with such pride and adoration in his eyes that it made Magnus’s heart flutter. With each new thing Madzie showed him, Alec only offered her encouragements and kind words. He had seen Magnus do a multitude of more impressive things than moving a candle three inches, but Madzie didn’t have to know that. 

Their eyes had met briefly as Madzie moved a photo somewhere behind Magnus. He paid no attention. He was already lost in Alec’s hazel eyes and the warmth they held. His heart beat faster as he watched Alec mouth the words “I love you” to him. Behind him, he heard the sound of the picture Madzie had been moving crash to the ground as she lost her focus. She was visibly upset, crying about how she had practiced that trick for so long and she didn’t know what she had done wrong. Alec immediately went into a story about how he sometimes, even to this day and in his position with the Shadowhunters, missed his target with his arrows. He went into a long story about how practice makes perfect and she should try again. 

Magnus felt a hand on his shoulder and looked over to see Catarina smiling at him. “For a Shadowhunter, he isn’t half as bad as I thought he would be.” 

Magnus let out a small laugh. “I’ve never loved anyone this much before.” 

“I know. That’s why if he ever hurts you, he’s going to have to deal with me,” she stated as she grabbed her friend in a hug. 

Magnus was just about to say something to her when the shrill of the alarm clock woke him up. When he sat up, heart racing from the abrupt awakening, he found small pictures of Alec scattered around the bed. As he examined them, he realized they were memories of him. Memories that he turned into photographs as he slept. 

This time, he dreamt of them the night after their wedding. They had spent their first day as husbands just laying in each other’s arms, placing kisses on whatever skin they could reach from their current position. They had managed to get out of bed just in time for an evening stroll through the streets of London. Magnus’s hand had snaked it ways down Alec’s back and into his back pocket, giving gentle squeezes to Alec’s ass at his whim. WIh each squeeze, Alec gave a small, crooked smile and Magnus could have sworn his heart had stopped just a little bit. They had stopped for dinner at some hole in the wall little restaurant. Cuddled together in a small booth in the corner, the two ate and drank until they couldn’t possibly fit anything else in their stomachs. 

After dinner, they had made their way to the London Eye. Even though it had stopped operating for the day hours ago, Magnus insisted they go on it. After a hestitant agreement from Alec, Magnus portaled them to the very top of it. From here, they could see the whole city. The lights were mesmerizing. The people looked so small down below it was almost hard to believe they were real. It was so quiet in their little glass bubble that they could just hear their breathing over the faint sounds of the city below them. Magnus looked at Alec, whose eyes were roaming over the view in front of him. He no longer looked like the rigid, stoic soldier that Magnus had come to love. Rather, like a little boy lost in the wonderment of the world. He couldn’t help but reach out and move a strand of stray hair behind Alec’s ear, just needing to touch him to make sure that he was real. 

But Magnus’s phone vibrating incessantly had proved just the opposite. It had been just another dream. One that Magnus could have lived in for the rest of his life. When he woke to search for his phone, he found that he was in his bed. He wasn’t quite sure how he had gotten here, but he assumed Dot had moved him at some point and he was too lost in the alcohol to remember. He shrugged it off and looked at his phone. Duty, quite literally, had called and he reluctantly rolled out of bed to begin his day. 

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr at: idjitsgonnaidjit.tumblr.com   
> feel free to send me prompts


End file.
